the end-of-summer review

[Hiring Partner]: Nice to see you kid; how was the summer?

[Summer Associate]: Really great, you folks are running a stand-out operation and I'd love to be part of it.

[HP]: Funny you should mention that. Your reviews remained largely consistent since we last spoke [a few weeks ago].

[SA]: That's good to hear...

[HP]: Yeah...not really. We like to see a good deal of progress over the course of the summer program. You must understand; we don't hire lawyers into the summer program, we hire potential lawyers. You needed to show us a solid trajectory of progress towards your potential.

[SA]: I don't understand what I did wrong...

[desperation sets in as Summer Associate begins to see fearful visions of a 3L recruiting season; explaining to potential employers why she doesn't have an offer from her 2L summer; in the best case, returning to this firm on a cold offer with everyone generally disliking her.]

[HP]: As much as it disappoints us, we're going to have to go ahead and make you an offer to return as a full-time associate. Don't take it too hard, we're generally disappointed with most of you kids who wander out here.

[Hiring Partner looks out the window of his well-appointed office at the palatial plaza below and thinks: Every year you summer associates get younger, dumber and wealthier; we only get older and wealthier. Don't you see that your wealth is at our expense? For christ's sake, we had to match that obscene salary increase this spring. One hundred and forty-fucking-five thousand dollars a year just to keep you suckers coming back for more. Not to mention that if we don't invite you back, you'll talk a tremendous amount of shit about us to your friends back at Ivory-Tower-Up-Your-Ass School of Law.]

[HP]: You'll make a lot more progress when you get back and have to take a more serious view of things. Don't worry, we'll dangle a bonus in front of you and the rest will take care of itself. Do you have any questions for me?

[SA - too relieved to pose a useful query]: Not at this point. Thank you very much. I'll let you know my decision shortly. It's been a real pleasure working with everyone.

[Summer Associate flees the room, returns to her office and makes several celebratory phone calls]

tags technorati : Law Firm Summer Work

"Hey sucka, your firm is our bitch!"

...spoken like a true "summer" or first year, pre-bar admission, know-nothing. As soon as someone offers you a nicer chair, you're going to be working for that "bitch" firm, you just castigated. Of course, the only firms that could possibly be in a situation to steal business from one another, or hire another to do work, enjoy the elite status that creates the insufferable ego in this little world. You have to be pretty good to be a bitch. That said, many would say that it's all the same job. You all make over $165k before taxes, you all have decent offices. But some of you have perspective, scope, depth, and all the other things that set a solid, local firm apart from those of us who rule the global roost.

If anyone's going to be classified as a "bitch," they are the contract att'ys that we hire to do the shit work that first years are too smart for and is to too boring, even for summer associates (who, one must remember, still have the option to get bored and go elsewhere). These poor folks might have passed the bar (more than I can say for myself), but they don't have offices, they don't socialize with the associates or partners...or summers; they just take assignments. From what I hear, it's a narrow job description.

I go to lunch everyday. For two hours. I never pay. It usually costs about $100/att'y. I wake up about an hour after returning to the office and then go back to work. It's really important stuff. Let's just say that dollar-wise, the collective is bringing in 10 digits...easily.

tags technorati : Law Firm Summer Work

LES sans snark

I moved to the lower east side. Heavens knows I can afforded to live in a luxury apartment anywhere excepting Fifth Avenue or somewhere truly posh, but it turns out I'd rather buy a few new suits, a decent umbrella, Dior Homme sunglasses and still have money left over after the summer. As such, I parked myself in a cheap apartment in a trendy area where I hope to indulge in insufferably trendy dive bars, trendy coffee and tea and meet trendy people. The roommate goes to journalism school at decidedly elite institution (to which I was accepted but somehow never found the time to attend); we get along quite well. Choosing roommates is a wee bit of drama these days. I had anticipated living with some law students also doing "internships" in the city but I should have realized that any second year law student who speaks of "having" an "internship" as opposed to "being" a "summer (associate) at [some big firm]" would not really be, shall we say, of my ilk. Yeah, that didn't work out so well.

What I'm really looking forward to is a long walk about town during which I'll take a bunch of photos and then do a few shots with one of the local alcoholic beverage licensees.

Work starts in a week.

tags technorati : Fashion Neighborhood Roommate Summer

Wheels Up!

I had to leave this morning. It was an excellent flight: I took two sleeping pills upon take-off with some effervescent "Airborne" brand anti-sickness stuff and asked for bourbon and soda at the first drink service. I've never traveled with so much junk in my life while leaving so much behind. Literally, figuratively; there was far too much left behind.

After touch-down, I needed a good deal of retail therapy, a phone call from [N] or [S], whatever. Instead, I got a mile-long taxi line (in which persons were strictly admonished not to smoke), and a rather uneventful trip to Queens where I was to be the guest of my famously alcoholic college roommate. Little did I know the extent to which cigarette smoke will permeate one’s belongings when there are three smokers (two occasional, one constant) in the same apartment.

I write a portion of this in retrospect of the weekend of my arrival:
After a few rather eventful days, I trekked to the Upper West Side in preparation of a great deal of writing interposed with a subway-move to the Lower East Side. I really do live in two entirely different worlds: one pleasantly rarified and conducive to work, the other boisterous to an extent thoroughly in keeping with the marked absence of money. Admittedly, it was much fun in undergrad but now it doesn’t make very much sense. In truth, I now only visit The Land of Undergrad in fleeting episodes, such as last weekend. I fear I’ve changed too much to actually enjoy living there. Alas, college mirth; we knew thee for but a moment.

tags technorati : Friends New York Relationship Summer