Fiasco: The Stanford Law School Graduation Adventure

A few interesting things happened on graduation day (yesterday). Overall, it was quite the pleasant ceremony accompanied by minor SNAFUs. As I approach the requisite sobriety to type, I recall the scenes of interest and invite the gentle reader to judge just how "minor" said SNAFUs may be:

1. Massive feedback in the audio system at Memorial Auditorium gave friends and family a terrible start. Fortunately, the graduating class was occupied elsewhere. Otherwise, we might have shit ourselves thinking that the scary guy may have actually gone and done something unfortunate.

2. In the GSB courtyard, a graduating 3L was forced to submit to a raucous singing of "Happy Birthday" which delayed the processional.

3. The system of insuring that an appropriate number graduates were apportioned to each row of seats while keeping the class in alphabetical order failed so miserably as to leave many empty seats in some rows, while in others there were too few. The result was something that resembled a game of musical chairs each time the graduates sought to move to the stage.

4. A shortage of diploma covers (and accompanying letters instructing students to await their real diplomas) brought the ceremony to an uncomfortable halt that left us alternately amused, perturbed, and finally incredulous as faculty members left their seats and wandered about the stage in search of a box containing extras.

5. Despite the replenished supply of diploma covers, a short time later these too were exhausted. This time there were no extras to be found. Covers were then collected from graduates who had already received them and after some to-and-fro, a stack found its way into the hands of Dean Kramer. He quipped that the recycled covers were "warm."

Oh well, some days earlier a Dean was heard to remark, "It's a sham, of course it's a sham...So there's no reason not to participate." I guess it can't be too big of a deal. As the afternoon wore on, and more and more alcohol was consumed, the following email appeared in student inboxes.

Dear Class of 2007 and Larry,

I want to apolgize to you all for the fiasco today with the diploma covers.
While we can now explain what happened, there is no excuse for it having
happened once, much less twice. I take full responsibility and apologize
to you and your families. I hope that it did not mar too badly a day that
should have been full of celebration. Rest assured that it will never
happen to another class.
...

This warmed the cockles of many a heart. As did a follow up email from another graduate who declared that

Everyone...thought the diploma mix-up added levity to the
event, and was a wonderful opportunity for the generosity of our
class to shine. It was such a warm SLS moment; it certainly did not
"mar" anything!

Apart from the mea culpa and the following kumbaya moment, it should be noted that everyone has been deathly silent on the Dean's "Charge to the Class," which was quite the ramble and included a long-ass quote from Federalist I. Good to know our parents had the privilege of the boredom and confusion that typically accompanies the application of rather ancient political theory to current events. In contrast, my parents loved Professor Fisher's comments, as did I. I will remember those comments with better clarity when I watch the DVD of the ceremony; the above descriptions have taxed my somewhat impaired short-term memory.

...ceterum, I believe that Bush should be, like, impeached.

tags technorati : alcohol fiasco graduation law school

Of Musicals and Drunken Hiss-n-Boos

The Law School Musical was a smashing success this year...gender, ethnic and school-based stereotypes abounded in such quantity that the participation of Justice Kennedy and former-Justice O'Connor may give rise to a Bivens action if someone could show that the Justices were acting "under color of law" when they shot video which was displayed at the opening of Act I. It was that self-indulgent. But at the time, we were all duly fascinated. At length, the variously admired and occasionally ignored dean of the law school took the state to annouce the law prom-coronation of two characters in the narrative. There was hissing and booing from the drunken quarters and applause from those of us sober enough to know that institution would not appreciate audible discord on the DVD version of the production. There are certainly uncomfortable moments in law school but the "unfortunate event" at the musical revealed much of the illustrious assembly as drunken bores. Perhaps there's something to be said for staid, stuffy lawyers with a bit too much decorum.

tags technorati : Alcohol Law School

Charlie and Rose

Wednesday and Thursday consisted of a pleasant evening of dinner, clubbing, some conversation, and huge quantities of alcohol followed closely by fearful flashes of a Hieronymus Bosch future alternating with unconsciousness and vaguely sexual sounds from my compatriots. So it wasn't surprising that sometime after a bracing drive back down the Peninsula, I suddenly found myself watching David Brooks and Charlie Rose try to finish one another's sentences.

David Brooks is probably not my favorite of the NYT columnists but I can't verify that because I'm too cheap to subscribe. At any rate, I was pleasantly surprised by his observations which only occasionally increased my annoyance with conservatives.

Of greatest interest were Brook's comments on the true intellectual attitudes of the Bush administration on foreign policy and specifically the Iraq situation. Since I can hardly suffer a fool who doesn't watch Charlie Rose, we'll briefly dispense with the details; suffice it to say, Bush & Co. are smart, serious and very engaged while Cheney & Co. are a bit "hard to read."

While this frustrates my party line spiel about how we're ruled by anti-intellectual lay-abouts, it also forces me to make a more cultural criticism, even less likely to carry water with those who appreciate that folksy charm. Bush's sense of relevant history roughly extends to about the year 2008, concerns only him and has no place for the past. He's not a conservative, neither is he stupid. If Brooks is correct, the GOP wasn't joking about Bush doing serious on-the-job training back in 2001. The result is that these gentlemen have taught themselves a great deal about the current political calculus in the relevant region. They know things are going badly, appreciate that fact and are willing to spare no expense to solve the problem while disabusing us of any notions about just going home. This obsession with "facts on the ground" is great for short term tactics in a cultural vacuum but terrible when everyone else uses the specter of a cultural assault as the primary motivator.

A professional, volunteer military whose members actually follow orders will never compete numerically with irregulars convinced that their way of life is under assault; the former will, at best, fight for their buddies. The point is that we're going to lose this war after winning every single battle (with the exception of a very unfortunate incident in lower Manhattan which caught me totally unawares). These people clearly are only interested in what other cultures have to offer us by way of exploitable markets and credible threats. There was never any abstract curiosity and as a result no useful information which might have yielded the perspective necessary to forming a strategy of apparent coherence lasting more than one year. Far be it from me to suggest government by academics, but we should have them around as they often make charming dinner companions, love wine and late night conversations and tend to understand the big picture. They also don't like people who pretend to be stupid; Clinton understood this. I'm sure Bush works very hard during the day, but he really should stay up later and learn to drink responsibly.

The other likeable moment from Brooks was where he praised Sam Alito as a modest fellow with great self-respect but no need for accolade, similar to Bush, but without a need to act dumb. (Even working stiffs from Jersey want their lawya*s sma*t.) While my parents were being counter-culture Jesus Freaks and not joining the army, these guys were quietly supporting The Man, learning his game and not joining the army. Now my parents make me borrow money for school while these guys work at odd jobs here and there. Those folks from the '60s protest culture who did make it to government (Biden and Kennedy, etc.) are intellectual show-offs, always hated by the folks from Sam Alito's old Jersey neighborhood and smart rich kids who appreciate their place in the world. Never mind that Democrats run all the good schools and want to give the neighborhood folks healthcare; I regretfully concede that this whole thing is about personality.

The very very best news from Brooks: demographics for evangelical Christians are flat while secularists are multiplying as if they actually enjoyed heterosexual intercourse. The secularist movement is rockin', vibrant and freshly organized. University v. Church, Whole Foods v. Wal-Mart, etc. We might out-earn and out-live them but we've got 20 years tops before they start setting off bombs and shooting our doctors. Oh, wait those were the '90s.

Wow, Charlie Rose sure has some great guests on his show; afterwards I watched an episode of Entourage and decided that a nose job is really quite reasonable.

In other news, someone determined that it's difficult to tell what something is/was after you blow it up.